I have never attempted an ice sculpture. I will give my best attempt at an ice picture. Let me set the scene....
James calls and says he is on his way home for a night and will need me to come and pick him up at Walmart. No biggie except I have had no reason to de-ice the car up until that point. I headed out to the car with my $1 ice scraper in hand and my only pair of cheap one size fits all stretchy gloves. I am hanging on for dear life as I make my way the foot and a half to the car. We are talking SLICK to my Cali folks! I start to chisel away at the half ince covering on my car. About 2-10 min in my hands are soaking wet and FREEZING! I head back into the house to see if I can find another pair to get me through the rest of the job. I remember that I had went through all of my gloves and threw away all of the solo gloves a while back. Apparently I only had solo gloves left because I couldn't find a glove one (pun intended). I asked Victoria if she had her gloves and her response was "I only have one pink one." (oh the irony) Makenzie hears the conversation and says "Just use a sock." Genius! I head back into my bedroom where we have a mega storage tub of unmatched socks, my least fav chore. I grab two of James socks that will reach up almost to my elbow and head outside.
I am pretty amazed at how well things were going with my sock hand. Couldn't spread my fingers too well to get a good grip on the scraper but it was doing the job good enough. All of a sudden I hear the dog across the street having a fit. I am not a huge dog person but this dog barks all of the time and my neighbors (who are not the friendliest people and leave the window cracked in 20 degree weather to ventilate out funny smelling smoke from time to time) will not put him on a leash when they let him out. He is in the street barking his head off and trying to keep his footing on the ice. Sliding all over the place.
OK on to part two of the scene. Let's give a little more set up. My neighbor two doors down was outside one day and yelling. Mom and I was getting into the car to go somewhere and I tried to find out what was going on. Thought maybe he was just trying to say hi and was yelling to make sure I could hear him. I wave say a friendly hello and he continues to yell. I turn to mom and we give each other a what the heck kind of look. I say maybe he was on a bluetooth and talking to someone. I try to sneak a peak without being too obvious and there is nothing in his ears. It dawns on me that this man must have turrets. After that I notice that he drives the neighborhood quite a bit in his blue Taurus. He will make laps and will stop in front of our house after he misses his driveway and starts yelling at himself in the car throwing his hands in the air. I know it shouldn't be funny but well, it is. It is because 2 minutes later he misses his driveway again and the show starts over. I have seen him stop 2 to 3 times from my driveway to the stop sign (about 30 feet) and yell at himself. This could go on for a half hour a couple of times a day. We have just kind of gotten used to it and go along with life.
Now that you have a bit of the building of characters let's go back to the icy road. Dog barking remember? I lean over my hood to see what the dog is barking at, Mr. Blue Taurus two doors down. He is now walking down the road (too dangerous to drive?) with a random shopping bag and the dog and him are having a yelling match out in the road both looking like Bambi when Thumper tries to get him out on the ice. Both slipping and sliding and making as much noise as they possibly can. Taking turns, going back and forth. "Bark Bark Bark" and "LAKDJIB EKISU AS*HOLE LOUD FKJO SON OF A B@TCH!" I am now fighting back laughter and doing pretty well under the circumstances while still holding on for dear life to my own car so that I don't wipe out. This goes on for about 20 seconds when I hear a new voice "TOBY YOU SH*THEAD! GET OUT OF THE ROAD!!! IM GOING TO CHOKE THE H#LL OUT OF YOU!!!" It is my neighbor. She is in curlers, cigarette, and a red bathrobe and is sliding down the driveway trying to get at the dog to keep this from getting any worse (could it?) She is yelling over all of the barking and slurred profanity in the road. The dog and man stop dead in their tracks and then the man starts speaking very sweetly to the woman "Oh don't fall be careful. Don't fall." The dog begins to bark at him again and he freaks out all over again and starts yelling as loud as he can wincing, sliding, and holding the grocery bag that I am still curious about as I type this. What was in that bag?!? She is trying to keep her balance cig in one hand and leash in the other while keeping her bathrobe closed. It was a 3 ring circus and I had front row seats!!!
It was about then as I am standing their trying to maintain my composure at the spectacle that my neighbors are making of themselves that I am the crazy neighbor outside scraping the ice off her car with a sock on her hand.
In case you were wondering blue Taurus wins!
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