Iwinman hair

Anthony and his Ironman.  Yes I know it is misspelled in the title but that is how my boys says it.  I am sitting at the computer with a pounding headache and this is why...

I am working on my bedroom trying to get all of the stuff put where it should go and Anthony enters stomping pulling on his hair.  He lowers his eyebrows and says "Iwinman hair" in his lowest scariest voice.  This is what he calls it when he lets me put pomade in his hair and style it.  He swears he looks just like Ironman when I do it.  Funny thing is that Ironman wears a full face mask and his hair doesn't show.  Anywho I turn to look at him and his hair is wet.  At first I thought that it was just him getting in the bathroom and getting his hands wet and then rubbing it on his head.  My theory faded when I got a whiff.  "Anthony show me."  He quickly raised his hands up to keep me in my room and not out in the rest of the house saying "NO! NO! NO!"  My insisting finally paid off and he lead me down the hallway into his room.  There is laid my bottle of Faith Hill perfume my In-Laws got me for Christmas.  My son is stomping around the house thinking he looks EXACTLY like Ironman while smelling like the perfume counter at your local Walgreens.

Wow what a Christmas!

It was very good to us and it turned out to be one of my favorites!  The kids are at a wonderful age to appreciate the season and understand what it is all about.  Addison would proudly tell you that it was Jesus birthday and Anthony would agree along with the fact that the fat man in the red suit was going to bring him presents. 

The festivities started off with the Pennington Christmas.  It was great to see family!  Addison was a pill through most of the party and I spent most of the party standing out in the rain while she had a fit in the car.  She was not a happy camper and was full of attitude.  After a long nap (much needed) she came to life and was more cordial.  :)  Great food great conversation and family was a wonderful way to start out the Christmas season.

Leading into the later part of the month we had a volunteer appreciation room set up by the staff of Northside.  They got together and baked up cookies and decorated the room so special for all of us.  So nice to be appreciated for all of our work.

James' dad entered the hospital about a week and a half before Christmas.  He has pneumonia.  They had him all pumped up on steroids and poor man was so swollen.  We took a trip to the hospital to see him and brighten his day.  He made it home on Christmas Eve so that we could enjoy the Holiday with him.  He was told he had a week to get his strength back or they were going to send him to a rehab center to help him.  He is NOT wanting to go but finding it hard to find the will to get his strength up.  We are trying to help him not give up.  The grandkids are the only thing that seems to bring him a smile.

Christmas Eve I volunteered for the 9pm service at church to help out in the classroom.  They had already had 2 services and had 2,600 people attend.  WOW!  I showed up after driving through the beginning of the snow storm that brought us the prettiest white Christmas.  I arrived and found that I was the only one with kids for the 9pm service. Seems that the snow scared everyone into staying home.  I laughed and so did everyone else when I said "So I came to church to watch my own kids?"  I planned on James meeting me and we could attend the 11 service.  I guess that goes back to memories of midnight mass when I was growing up.  One of the staff ended up watching the kids and Crissy grabbed me and took me into the secret room where they had food prepared for the volunteers.  :)  I got to have a moment to myself with my friend and it was much appreciated.  It wasn't a long break until Andrea (the head minister over the early childhood) came to tell me that Anthony fell in Bible land and was upset.  She said she had things under control and laughed at all of the kids they had so far for the Christmas service and not one incident and my kids show up and Anthony has a black eye.  lol

James arrived and we headed into the sanctuary for the service.  Before the service could begin James' dad called lonely and wanting him and he decided to go and be with him.  I sat with Crissy and Derek for the service.  I had to chuckle a bit that the evening didn't turn out at all like I expected.  The roads were super slick on the way home but we arrived safe and James made it home around 2 after he finally got his dad to go so sleep and get some rest.

When it was time for bed I crashed!  James came in our room and laughed at his wrapping abilities being so poor and he asked if he could just give me my presents.  I was more than happy to oblige! :)  He slid the presents one by one under the comforter while I closed my eyes.  I would dig around in the blanket to find new slippers, some accessories for the kitchen, new ink for our printer, a huge pack of batteries and a new memory card for the camera.  Wait that doesn't fit my camera..... I GOT A NEW CAMERA!  I was so excited!  I had been wanting a new one that took AA batteries.  I never have my camera charged up and have missed so many opportunities to snap a photo because of it.  No longer. Just have to get the computer set up to load my pics they will follow soon.

Christmas morning Anthony was the first one up.  Addison was still in a coma after fighting sleep till past 2am!  (HELP!)  He walked down the hallway to find his loot.  "OH MAN!" was his response.  So cute!  He went to wake up sissy Addison by poking her in the face and saying "Thissy waked up!  Thanta got us prethents!"  Addison rolled over and said "We don't need presents. We just have a tree."  ( I hope that this attitude stays through the teenage years.  Will be much cheaper.)  She finally rose from her slumber to find the presents. She woke up really quick.  Victoria was soon to follow.  The kids were so excited to find their Leapster, remote control car, and new Disney princess dolls.  Anthony has been "fixing" things around the house with his Black and Decker tool set complete with tool belt, and Addison has been having tea parties with her dolls.  Victoria hasn't put her hand held Leapster down since she opened it. 

We got the kids dressed and put them down for a nap while James' went to help get his dad out of bed.  When he got home we found Anthony standing in his room in a completely different outfit than we put him to bed in and wearing his tool belt.  LOL!  We headed out to my folks house to spend some time with them and enjoy a good dinner.  The kids loved showing off their toys Santa brought to Grandma and Grandpa. 

The day after Christmas we headed over to James' parents house for a feast and some Olympic present opening.  The highlights were the apple pie, Victoria's 5 foot tall doll house, Anthony's semi filled with cars, and Addison's princess dress up set (complete with Addison's first pair of plastic high heel shoes)  It was very hard to see James' dad in the state that he was in.  He didn't say much but just sit there and stare at the kids opening presents. We ended the day with a pic of him and the whole family surrounding his hospital bed.  We never do family pictures at the Craig Christmas and it was bittersweet that we did it this year.  I think we all kind of know what is ahead and want to remember all being together this year.  The kids gave him hugs and kisses and we loaded up the cars and headed home.

It was a very nice Christmas.  It was a simple Christmas (the best kind) and not filled with the extra things that it is so easy to make it about.  The kids were happy and everyone got along always a plus! Happy Birthday Jesus!  Thanks for such a wonderful gift you gave us.  Let us not stop remembering what the season is about.

Although I am a crafty person....

I have never attempted an ice sculpture.  I will give my best attempt at an ice picture.  Let me set the scene....

James calls and says he is on his way home for a night and will need me to come and pick him up at Walmart.  No biggie except I have had no reason to de-ice the car up until that point.  I headed out to the car with my $1 ice scraper in hand and my only pair of cheap one size fits all stretchy gloves.  I am hanging on for dear life as I make my way the foot and a half to the car.  We are talking SLICK to my Cali folks!  I start to chisel away at the half ince covering on my car.  About 2-10 min in my hands are soaking wet and FREEZING!  I head back into the house to see if I can find another pair to get me through the rest of the job.  I remember that I had went through all of my gloves and threw away all of the solo gloves a while back.  Apparently I only had solo gloves left because I couldn't find a glove one (pun intended).  I asked Victoria if she had her gloves and her response was "I only have one pink one." (oh the irony)  Makenzie hears the conversation and says "Just use a sock."  Genius!  I head back into my bedroom where we have a mega storage tub of unmatched socks, my least fav chore.  I grab two of James socks that will reach up almost to my elbow and head outside.

I am pretty amazed at how well things were going with my sock hand.  Couldn't spread my fingers too well to get a good grip on the scraper but it was doing the job good enough.  All of a sudden I hear the dog across the street having a fit.  I am not a huge dog person but this dog barks all of the time and my neighbors (who are not the friendliest people and leave the window cracked in 20 degree weather to ventilate out funny smelling smoke from time to time) will not put him on a leash when they let him out.  He is in the street barking his head off and trying to keep his footing on the ice.  Sliding all over the place. 

OK on to part two of the scene. Let's give a little more set up.  My neighbor two doors down was outside one day and yelling.  Mom and I was getting into the car to go somewhere and I tried to find out what was going on.  Thought maybe he was just trying to say hi and was yelling to make sure I could hear him.  I wave say a friendly hello and he continues to yell.  I turn to mom and we give each other a what the heck kind of look.  I say maybe he was on a bluetooth and talking to someone.  I try to sneak a peak without being too obvious and there is nothing in his ears.  It dawns on me that this man must have turrets.  After that I notice that he drives the neighborhood quite a bit in his blue Taurus.  He will make laps and will stop in front of our house after he misses his driveway and starts yelling at himself in the car throwing his hands in the air.  I know it shouldn't be funny but well, it is.  It is because 2 minutes later he misses his driveway again and the show starts over.  I have seen him stop 2 to 3 times from my driveway to the stop sign (about 30 feet) and yell at himself.  This could go on for a half hour a couple of times a day.  We have just kind of gotten used to it and go along with life. 

Now that you have a bit of the building of characters let's go back to the icy road. Dog barking remember? I lean over my hood to see what the dog is barking at, Mr. Blue Taurus two doors down.  He is now walking down the road (too dangerous to drive?) with a random shopping bag and the dog and him are having a yelling match out in the road both looking like Bambi when Thumper tries to get him out on the ice.  Both slipping and sliding and making as much noise as they possibly can.  Taking turns, going back and forth.  "Bark Bark Bark" and "LAKDJIB  EKISU AS*HOLE LOUD FKJO SON OF A B@TCH!"  I am now fighting back laughter and doing pretty well under the circumstances while still holding on for dear life to my own car so that I don't wipe out.  This goes on for about 20 seconds when I hear a new voice "TOBY YOU SH*THEAD! GET OUT OF THE ROAD!!!  IM GOING TO CHOKE THE H#LL OUT OF YOU!!!"  It is my neighbor. She is in curlers, cigarette, and a red bathrobe and is sliding down the driveway trying to get at the dog to keep this from getting any worse (could it?)  She is yelling over all of the barking and slurred profanity in the road.  The dog and man stop dead in their tracks and then the man starts speaking very sweetly to the woman "Oh don't fall be careful. Don't fall."  The dog begins to bark at him again and he freaks out all over again and starts yelling as loud as he can wincing, sliding, and holding the grocery bag that I am still curious about as I type this.  What was in that bag?!?  She is trying to keep her balance cig in one hand and leash in the other while keeping her bathrobe closed.  It was a 3 ring circus and I had front row seats!!!

 It was about then as I am standing their trying to maintain my composure at the spectacle that my neighbors are making of themselves that I am the crazy neighbor outside scraping the ice off her car with a sock on her hand.

In case you were wondering blue Taurus wins!

There are few things more frustrating to a Blogger than...

stupid camera problems. I have so many things I have wanted to share but they are locked away on my camera because for some reason our Adobe won't let me upload from our card.  With my mom's camera it is perfectly normal.  So I am at the mercy of mom's memory card to share things. 

I want to take some before and after pics of rooms. Everything has been changing so often that I forgot to even take a before. I need to get a new camera. I believe that I will for Christmas, I like to share pics. Until then here are some great no house related shots that were taken off of my mom's camera a few days ago.

Mom and I at Paula Dean's restaurant playing with fried green maters.

Addison thought it was cool so she played with her croutons.

Anthony eating his salad with a knife.  Whatever works kids, whatever works.

Addison waiting to get into Santa's workshop. She had just told me that Santa was "handsome"

Checking out Grandma's breakables on the railing to the basement stairs.

Love this shot of the girls.  They had so much fun in Charlestown dancing in the gazebo.

"I feel like I'm forgetting something...I mentioned the Corvette right?"

"Um, I just want Ironman stuff.  Can we just get to the part where you give me the candy cane?"

Christmas card worthy.

 There is nothing I repeat NOTHING more awesome than my Papaw Gee!

Anthony  fell asleep with his water guns in hand.  You never know when a robber is going to break in.  You want to always be prepared.

Checking it twice

That is things off of my to do list.  I am in the mode of getting stuff done around here.  I have come to the realization that it is too cold to be spray painting outside and that painting the rooms is a no go because I am not having the windows open with it being 30 outside. 

I have reached into the shed and pulled out the colors that were painted in my bedroom and bathroom and painted over the blocks of color that I put on the wall when I thought we were going to go blue and brown.  First thing that smacked you in the face when you walked in the room was my blue and brown idea in a big 2 foot smeared section.  Goodbye blue and brown that reminded me of another project unfinished, and also goodbye big huge sections of wall unpainted from where I took down the mirrors over the bathtub.  You are now painted the color that the rest of the wall was/is in the bathroom.  I have painted over the big rubbed areas over the bed where my loving husband sleeps with his forehead up against the wall, goodbye!  It was like painting with toothpaste but it is done.  Those cans of paint have been in the shed for 7 years frozen and boiling in the heat over and over again.  It is not perfect and I am ok with that and a project that wasn't finished is no longer staring me in the face as soon as I enter our room.  This leaves me happier and more at peace in my home. 

I have been obsessed with the blog called Nesting Place (thanks Jill) and it has given me permission to have a cute home that is decorated and comfortable by not worrying so much on perfection and just dealing with what I have.  She is doing a "Less is More" series and I have taken it to heart.  I am working on finishing the projects that I know work in the budget and can be done with little to no time.  Don't over complicate just finish.  It has been freeing.

Monday night my In-laws gave me a Victoria break and kept her for he night.  I got to sleep in a little and the twins and I had a nice day.  We had a date at Walmart to pick up some supplies that I needed for some Christmas projects I have going and we even had lunch at Burger King just the three of us.  I braved going in and eating instead of hitting up the drive thru and taking it back home.  The kids really loved it and I am going to try my best to do this once a week to grab a dollar burger and just sit with my kids and enjoy being out in public gnawing on a french fry.  Side note: When I take the kids out or we hit up a drive thru I always ask the kids burger or Chicken? Anthony's response is always "French Fries".  He firmly believes THAT is the main course of a kids meal.  While sitting in Burger King yesterday I asked Addison about Christmas and was grinning from ear to ear when she told me it was Jesus' birthday.  I talked to her a bit about Santa and asked her how Santa knows what you would like for Christmas and her response was, "We go to his house get him out and talk REAL LOUD!"  No mention of a letter or even sitting on his lap.  We are going to drag that fat man out of his house and yell at him!

Christmas Tea at Northside

Tonight was the first night of the Christmas Tea at Northside.  I have never been to this event but was asked to help sing during it.  There is a group of about 6 of us.  We sang a Christmas carol medley.  I got distracted singing by looking at all of the beautifully decorated tables.  Some of these women really went all out on their tables.  Some had decorated Christmas trees as a center piece, one was a Grinch theme and adorable!!  HUGE turnout!  We are having it two different nights and was asked to do a third but two nights took enough organization and energy that there really wasn't any volunteers left to do any more.  We had nearly 50 tables at 8 people each so we were looking at 400 people there tonight and another 400 tomorrow.  It was a great way to kick off the Christmas season. The speaker was amazing and spoke on anticipation and how we have lost it.  She spoke of being a professional rewrapper of presents.  She is a pro at unwrapping gifts that are for her and then rewrapping them so that nobody knows.  She had all of us in stitches during her stories until she reached the part of losing her daughter to Cancer at age 14.  She brought the story around to anticipation and losing the moment being worried about things.  She took all of the anticipation of her gifts for Christmas away by sneaking a peak.  She never anticipated her daughter getting Cancer and learned to take each moment as a gift.  She really put things in perspective and did an amazing job!  So glad to be a part of it.

Spray paint, and color swatches, and BHG.com-OH MY!

I am driving my family nuts with trying to redo the house!  I have everything in transition mode while decisions come together in my head as to what I am wanting to do with the space. Trying to eliminate the office area out of the living room to allow for more seating for our large family and fit an office area into our bedroom where space is limited is about to make my head spin.  I have great ideas and then start them but never finish.  I don't have the time to complete things before the bus comes.

The living room is going from white walls to a nice golden yellow to warm the place up a bit.  I have moved stuff around a bit and found great deals in clearance sections and thrift stores.  This includes my awesome black bar stools for extra seating at dinner for $15 at Goodwill and with a staple gun and some great fabric from Ben Franklin's they look AMAZING!  I then found two wooden kids chairs at the Salvation Army for $3.50 each and spray painted them black and upholstered them with the same fabric as the stools so that they have matching chairs.  They fit great with my black end tables for the living room so they have their own little dinning room in the living room.  I have popped out the ugly 90's glass out of the cabinets and still trying to figure out what I am going to put in instead.  Fabric?  maybe something extra funky?  Possibilities are endless!

The kitchen is going to be kind of retro feeling.  I found an adorable fabric in Hobby Lobby that is white with multi color polka dots.  Baby blue, burgundy, light green, the mustard color in the living room, and orange.  They have coordinating fabric in the same colors with daisies, and stripes.  I am going to try my hand at some home made roman shades that I found online using mini blinds and a nice valance to go on top.  Still debating on painting the cabinets can't quite make up my mind on that one.

Our bedroom, oh our bedroom has changed many many times and I finally found my inspiration at Michael's.  I purchased a light silver comforter set in Tuesday Morning that I fell in love with after my obsession with the brown and blue comforter I found in Meijer.  I opened it up and although very affordable you could tell it was affordable with the quality of the stitching.  It was already ripped and didn't appear at all like it did on the picture, so silver I went.  This seems to be the new decorating trend from what it appears in magazines.  Silver or grey is the new trendy neutral.  I couldn't find what color I wanted to accent with so while in Michaels I headed to the scrapbook paper and found this gem...

I would never put orange, yellow, and grey together but I fell in love with this and the other papers that are available in this color scheme are great!  I have spray painted everything that doesn't move including all of my photo frames black and then framed these scrapbook papers in different sizes.  I have taken the canopy off of the bed and am going to make an upholstered head board for our bed.  I have painted this adorable little dresser for jewelry that I got from my Mamaw's house to match the color and pattern of the grey swatch above, with black trim and drawer pulls.  I am still trying to figure out the color for the walls.  I believe that grey might be a bit much and had a friend of mine suggest the yellow for the bedroom to go with the orangey red that I am set on for the bath.  Now just to win the lottery and hire a live in nanny so that I can craft away.  Still so much to get done and the weather isn't helping with getting projects done outside.

The big bad wolf

I can't remember if I wrote a post about this or not so forgive me if this is a repost.  I don't have the time to go back through and check..

When the weather first changed and the frost started showing up on the car I took Victoria to the bus stop and then headed to Marathon to get some gas.  I noticed a man standing outside the door to the gas station that appeared he was just standing there to get some warmth from people coming in and out.  When I got done pumping my gas I immediately drove over to McDonalds and got him some food and a large coffee.  Now remember I have A & A in the back of the car and they are now bouncing around saying "HAPPY MEALS!!!!"  They love the breakfast happy meals!  I turned and told them "No you see that man over there?  He doesn't have a home and he is cold so we are going to buy him breakfast to help him get warm." Anthony looked over raised his one eyebrow and was kind of confused.  My sweet Addison raised her voice as high as she could get it and asked "Where is his 'pam-a-lee' (family) ?"  I went onto to explain to her that he may not have any?  She then asked about his house and I told her I didn't know what happened to his house.  She then looked at me and said "Oh no the big bad wolf blowed his house down!"  She was very upset about this. She then turned and looked out the window and her expression changed from concern to extreme disapproval, "We need to have a talk with that big bad wolf!"

Dumb camera!

I have wanted to write a post for a while and wanted to include a pic so that I could get your understanding of the misunderstanding.  I have searched online for a pic and this is the only one that I found...

I have two huge loves in my life.  Crafts and Dollar sections of a store.  I was introduced to Michael's in Clarksville and I have never been the same!  Crafts AND a dollar section all in the same store!  Woo hoo!  I found a bin outside the door with clearance merch. and found these cute little soaps.  They said things like Delete, Undo, All Gone.   It thought it is was such a clever idea and could "delete" the dirt off of my hands, "undo" the day, and wash my troubles "all gone". I fell in love with them and they were only 29 cents!!  I grabbed a fist full and headed inside to the sound of angels singing "Welcome Home Kelly!"  I could write a months worth of blogs on the ideas I came up with while spending every dime that comes in our home but I will refrain on both counts. 

Things continue to be stressful around here and I decided to take advantage of the massive tub and soak the day away.  It was then I thought of my clever little soaps I got.  I searched my way through them in my drawer and found the only that best described my day "Undo" will be PERFECT!

I climb into the tub and let the hot water take away any stress that has found it's way into my muscles and soak for a few.  Grab my razor and my adorable soap and rub the bar on my legs to "Undo" the day off of my body and let it drain into the plumbing.  I rub.  I rub harder, no lather!  What the heck?!  I grab the soap and in between my hands and rub quickly trying to get the dumb thing to lather...nothing!  I take my nail and scratch the surface thinking maybe there is some kind of film on it from the lettering, nope!  I try to break the bar in half now and the darn thing won't break either as a matter of fact it bends a bit.  Puzzled I rub the soap on the wall and see that little slivers of the bar come off in little rolls.  It then dawns on me.....

I am trying to shave my legs with an eraser!!!



Undo! Delete! All gone!  I need a new bar of soap that says "Idiot!"

Im still alive and kicking

Been a very intense month around here.  I just wanted to touch base and let you know that I am still live.  Lots of things going on as usual.  I will hit the key points while my coffee is kicking in and give you an update.

-Anthony has had the sinus infection that everyone in the area has.  Been running a fever and we've had to stand close by because he has been throwing up as well.  MB you have a new convert to the Boogie Wipes!  Those things are great!

-Victoria's behavior and thought process has been a lot to deal with.  We are trying to unpack the idea of her feeling she needs to "lie for Mommy Tina now since she can't".  She said she is wanting to do that for her since she can't anymore.  She also has taken on the responsibility of praying for her all of the time (which is a good thing) because she thinks that Jesus isn't to take care of her if she doesn't (which is a bad thing).  She has had this huge weight on her shoulders to be the one that "takes care of her" now and carries on the legacy of lies.  How the heck does a 7 year old come up with that concept?  Been a tough one to uncrack.  She has been in trouble at school for language and I had to find out from the teacher because Victoria has been coming home from school and lying about what color her name was on the behavior chart.  Just need to remember that this is the last time that we will start from square one on Tina stuff.  Just breathe!

-Makenzie ran away from home a couple of weekends ago and now is living with us looking for someone to help her make changes in her life.  She has hit a crossroads and is reaching out for someone to help show her a better way.  This has actually been a good thing to have her here.  She is very responsive to help and has poured out her heart to me and been so helpful around the house. She is going to go on her first Church retreat this weekend with the high school ministry at church.  I asked her if she would be interested and she jumped all over it.  So glad to see her taking steps to make changes. She told me she need to reinvent herself and start over and she wants to do something with her life besides be known as the party girl.  I continue to be proud of her and ask that you send up a prayer this weekend as she is scared to death about not knowing anyone on the retreat.  I know my first retreat (180 Spring Retreat) I was feeling the same way but in the same place in life.  I needed to make changes and know that weekend was the kick off to many changes in my life.  I have friends from that weekend that I still talk to and love dearly.  I know God has something in store for her this weekend I just pray for a continued open heart to it.

-On top of the 101.5 fever from Anthony, Makenzie adjusting to our home, me remodeling stuff and spray painting everything that doesn't breath Victoria came home with head lice two days ago. So on top of my house looking like a tornado hit it from redecorating I now have critters to get rid of.  Back to the help of Makenzie in the house.  I went to Walmart to get the shampoo (BTW Lice MD AMAZING STUFF!!!  Gone after the first treatment!!)  Makenzie had already chucked every bit of bedding out of the door and bagged it up.  My house house was a cloud of lice home spray when I walked in the door.  What a help she was!  She jumped in and started cooking dinner as I was treating Victoria's hair.  She is on day 2 of being egg free so my new best thing is Lice MD.  Just hope I don't have to use it EVER again.

So there you have it folks!  My last month in a nut shell.   I'm still here and I am surprisingly doing alright.  I have started counseling myself to help me unpack some of the stuff that I am dealing with and practicing my "slow to anger" lesson in the study I just finished with my Bible study girls.  I'm hanging on and refuse to let any of this beat me or my home.

Saying goodbye

Victoria my resilient little girl put on a brave face as we headed to the funeral home.  We intersected Megan in the parking lot and met up with Hunter and Angel as well to go inside.  Everyone was warm and welcoming to us.  It was nice.  Thomas, Tina's husband was very glad to see Victoria.  We all gathered together to go into the room where Tina was.  I kept reassuring Victoria that she didn't have to be brave and that whatever feeling she is feeling is perfectly normal.  The door opened and she froze.  I knelt down to her and put my arm around her.  She didn't want to approach the casket and I didn't push.  I just let her do what she needed to do.  She spent most of her time playing with her brother and sisters. She was very happy to see them.  It was also nice to meet Tina's sister.  Her and I had spoken on the phone multiple times as she informed me of the "real story" on many occasions.  Victoria asked me to take the envelope up to Tina and put it in the casket for her.  I approached alone and just took a minute to take this whole thing all in.  I asked forgiveness, I gave forgiveness and let her go.  Time to close that chapter and begin life in a new light.  Next step is to make legal what has been for the past 3 1/2 years.  I told James I want to adopt Victoria.  I told the family and I have their blessing.  I even talked to Victoria a bit about it and her response was "Yep Mommy, I think that is a good idea."  then leaned over on my arm while I was driving and gave me a kiss.  I think we are going to be alright....

Locked heart/raw heart

Sunday after church we headed up to Victoria's classroom to tell her of the news.  Thank you Karen Dwelligan for the support and being there for Victoria as we told her.  She didn't react much when she was told.  James delievered the news and she just stared blankly.  James gave her a hug and she held onto him.  I got up out of my chair and asked if I could have a hug as well.  She crawled over James and grabbed me very hard.  I ended up knocking over because she was in such a hurry to get to me.  Karen looked at James and said "looks like she wants mom".  I asked for a moment with her alone and they left the room.  As soon as the door shut Victoria began to cry.  She apparently felt she needed to be strong in front of them and was embarrassed to cry.  She only cried for about 2-3 minutes and then flipped her emotion switch and acted as though nothing had happened.  Victoria's way of dealing with things is just shoving it down into the deepest part of her.  I expressed to her that I noticed that she didn't want to cry around other people so when she is needing a minute to just let some of the sad feelings out or she is just wanting to talk about it to grab my hand and squeeze it 3 times and that will be our code for "I need to talk" then we can find someplace quiet to do that.  She seemed to like that idea and has used it since.  Please continue to pray for this fagile little heart.

I am so conflicted by all of this as I am sure you all know that keep up with this.  There is so much to take in and so much to deal with.  Struggling with the sense of relief for finality in this situation for so many people.  We are not the only ones affected by choices made in the past.  Thankful for the 3 years I have had with Victoria and struggling with the resentment that I have felt for those 3 years for having to raise her primarily alone.  If I hadn't had these past 3 years I would be getting Victoria at age 7 and starting at square one with three more years of Tina's influence.  Scared to go into that funeral home and be around the other people in her family.  I have no clue what story they have about me or my home.  I hope that everyone is civil and that everyone is allowed to mourn.  Feel like I am walking into the pack of wolves.  Hunter and Angel and the kids will be with me and they are in the same boat so I won't be alone.  How will Victoria act when she sees her?  I called the funeral home and asked about the service.  I have never been to a funeral with a cremation.  There will be an open casket so she will see Tina.  How will I feel when I see her?  I look back and the arguement that I started with James when he let her see Tina the last time right before our court date. I was livid that we has spent so much money to protect her and then let her see her and getting ready to go to court.  Mad that was the first/only time she asked to see Victoria in two months since the last court date.  Mad that the arguement led to a picture of the two of them being thrown away and now that is a momento of the last time she saw her mom and it is gone.  Thinking about the time that she spent with supervised visitation in our home.  How hard it was to allow her in our enviornment and now looking at that wondering if God used that time to show Tina that Victoria would be ok when she was gone.  Questioning all of the court stuff.  Why it even had to happen.  What was God doing in all of that?  Was that time to separate Victoria to make this final transition easier.  I wonder if Tina had peace?  Did she know God?  Did she ask for forgiveness?  Did she have remorse?  Regret?  She was alone when she died, how sad.  (We were told that it was determined a heart attack) Where do we go from here?  I am so thankful that this will be hopefully one of the last hard conversations Victoria will have to hear for quite some time.  No more back and forth.  No more walking on egg shells.  No more searching for truth in every conversation.  No more anxiety, fear, watching over my shoulder.  No more of Victoria's oldest sister being threatened to keep her distance from us, withhold information, and pretend.  No more being caught in the middle.  Everyone can be without any backlash.  It is time to heal for so many people.  Thank you for listening to my unedited raw heart.  I just needed to get this off of my chest before it eats me up.  Prayers to those suffering and prayers for new beginnings.

First of all thank you for all of the support and prayers that you have sent for us during the troubles that we have had with Victoria's biological mother. We love you all for the love you have sent to us.



I wanted to inform you of the recent status of everything and ask for more prayers. Tina has had health issues starting about 2 months ago. Trouble with her heart and liver. We was unclear of if this information was true or not as truth was rarely something that we received. James allowed Victoria to see Tina the week before our last court date for a few hours and witnessed her heart monitor and her physical well being. She didn't look good. We then knew that these condition to some extent were true.

I received a call yesterday morning from her ex husband (the one that helped us with the trial and has two children by Tina) telling me that Thomas (Tina's current husband) came home from work yesterday and found Tina dead. They were doing an investigation to determine cause of death. Tina has some suicide attempts in recent months and I am still unclear if the cause was health concerns or suicide. Obviously this is really hard news to take and my heart is breaking for Victoria. Not sure how to tell her and how hard she is going to take this. James is home and I believe we are going to tell her together. I am so thankful for her counselor and for God setting that relationship in motion already so that we can get the help we need to get through this.
 
 I wish Tina peace and pray that all those that have been affected by choices made by her can mourn and have peace as well. The funeral is on Tuesday.  Unfortunately James will be out of town working so I will be taking Victoria.  Can you send a prayer up for us?  Victoria will need all of the encouragement that she can get and will need all of the strength I can muster.  This will not be comfortable and is going to toss my emotions all over the place. It was very hard tonight to watch her at the zoo trick or treating knowing what information she will be given tomorrow.  She was so happy that it just broke my heart.  I believe we are going to tell her tomorrow after church with her Elementary Minister.  God please give us the right words to say.  Love you guys!

Stashing

I have always believed that everyone should work at least 6 months each in retail and the restaurant industry.  If you can't hack it then you should be ejected from the earth.  j/k.  I have worked many years in both and have a lot of understanding for stressed out cashiers, stock and servers.  One thing that always drove me nuts when I worked retail is people stashing things in the wrong department.  Drove me nuts! Why not just put it where it belongs?  Does it really take that much effort?  Those were my younger single years.  I know know in my motherhood wisdom that every single stashed item that I had to take back to the original department was from the mother of a toddler.  Now I have my understanding for every stashed toy car, stuffed animal, and box of Hostess cupcakes in the automotive department. 

In my recent obsession of redecorating everything that doesn't move I have been in near every store in the southern Indiana area with my kids. I pack my duffel bag purse with plenty of snacks, books, heck if I could pack Lucy in there to entertain the kids I would but it never seems to be enough for my two in the middle of the bedding at Kohls.  (Side note:  Kohl's is SO NOT double stroller friendly!!!! My kids get stuck in the middle of every aisle.  That leaves me leaving my stroller at the end of an aisle and making a mad dash to check out that one bedding set that I have looked at online over and over to see if it really looks like the pic.  Side note #2:  It never does!)  I usually have one of two problems. 

                       1.  Anthony and Addison are NOT getting along
                       2.  Anthony and Addison ARE getting along.
 
First one is obvious.  Two 3 year old strapped in a side by side stroller kicking, punching, smacking, pinching, did I mention kicking?  Anthony loves to torment Addison and Addison loves to scream.  Great combination right? 
 
Second one is not so obvious.  Problem 2 leads to very loud laughter that sounds like someone is kicking, punching, smacking, and pinching.  Anthony loves to tickle sissy and make her laugh.  This sends Addison into uncontrollable high pitch laughter that starts out really loud and high and ends in a deep evil chuckle that comes from her pinkie toes.  If I get him to stop making her laugh she leans over and tickles him to get him to start up again.  So picture me in the middle of Kohls with my big ol stroller stuck in the middle of the rugs on both sides trying to lift up one side of the stroller off of the ground to get it unstuck and I have super loud laughter coming from the left hand side of the stroller induced by the right hand side of the stroller.  I have my pillow that I purchased at Burlington Coat Factory on top of the canopy trying to match up some colors along with my throw blanket I bought at Meijers that is now rolling off of the canopy because I am hiking up the stroller trying to get it unhooked from the rug that looked so beautiful when I walked by the aisle only to find out that it is REALLY not that attractive once you take it off of the shelf and lay it on the ground while your son is kicking you in the butt laughing as  your bent over looking down at the dumb rug.  The uncontrollable laughter has now turned to screaming because Anthony took the playing one step too far and bit Addison's arm.  I am now stuck behind the stroller can't get to the front to get to them to separate them unless I run high speed to the end of the aisle that I am in and go around the other side to get in front of them as they are now stuck propped up on the right side on top of the bathroom rugs that I was trying to make it over when I was trying to get out of the darn aisle in the first place because of the ugly rug that looks great folded up.  So now that I have completely set the scene with a long list of run on sentences that are a story within themselves as I type with Anthony trying to scale my torso so he can see what mommy is doing on the computer I will get to my point.  You better believe I stashed everything that I "thought" I wanted right into those rugs.  My apologies to anyone that reads that knows anyone that works at a Kohls.  To those of you that was in Kohls today to check out their bedding sale and happened to walk through the rugs disgusted at all of the random things placed in the rugs....well, that was me.  I am a mother of toddlers and I understand now more than ever!

Today Victoria started the day with an upset stomach that resulted in me being very happy I grabbed those barf bags at the Immediate Care when I was with James.  We headed back home for her to rest and I got the kids situation in their room quarentined with movie and steady flow of fresh toys and I headed outside with the monitor to dig in the shed.  Crissy was needing my bumble bee costume for a video at church.  I knew it was in the shed just didn't know where.  The thought of going in there is very scary.  Not sure if I would return.  :)  I needed the motivation to help out a friend to get my butt in there.

I have started stream lining the house since remodeling the kids rooms.  Still need to get a coat of paint in A & A's room but been going through everything and if it doesn't have a purpose it goes.  I emptied out 5 garbage bags just in our bathroom alone.  The lotions that you have to have but never use and now they are old and smell funny.  The bathroom looks so good now.  Can't wait to get my paintbrush rolling in there.

Since starting this post I have emptied out 13 storage tubs in the shed and made 5 trips to Goodwill.  My kids are still here I have not donated them.....yet;)

Take cover!

Mom and I took a trip out of the house today after church while my dad was taking a test online for work.  Anthony wanted to go with us so the three of us hopped in the car and took off.  After a trip to Walmart to make a deposit and Feeder Supply to check out the "pish" we walked to Kroger.  Anthony was hot stuff pushing the little cart for us.  It was the first time he got to do it and I was quite impressed with his driving abilities.  He only wiped out on shelf of medicine the whole trip.  He wouldn't let ANYONE touch the cart.  Even when I tried to put one finger on it to help guide him he wouldn't have any of it.  He would push my hand away and give me a firm look saying "MY CART!"

We wandered through the produce department and Anthony proud as a peacock was checking to see if the other shoppers were aware of how cool he was pushing his cart when all of a sudden he heard the thunder.  That is the warning that they are about to turn on the misters to water the produce.  Anthony stopped dead in his tracks when he heard the first clap. Then with the second he ducked down covered his ears left his cart at very high speeds and ran to me across the aisle yelling "We got to get outta here!"
My poor boy needs some courage.  I don't believe he is going to be a cop, fireman, Security,  or anything of that nature anytime soon.  Could you imagine? 

That's my boy!

Is there anything better than movie quotes?  Well, besides chocolate and processed cheese?  My boy is following in my footsteps quite well with this obsession.  I was sitting in the McDonalds drive thru waiting to pay.  The kids were all lined up in the back seat quite as church mice and I saw  Anthony turn to Victoria who was looking over his head out the window.  Straight faced he says, "What you ooking at ya Hockey Cuck?  (What are you looking at ya hockey puck?  Toy Story)  I couldn't be prouder!

Pics!!

Here are some pics of my birthday that I have been waiting to upload from Mom's camera.....

So glad Aunt Punkie could join us for the day!

Family Photo!  Addison was already over doing photos at this point and more concerned about the petting zoo.

Me and my girl by the pumpkin wagon.

Sliding with sissy my brave girl.

Picking out the perfect pumpkin.

"I don't understand some guy with a tractor dumps us out in a pumpkin field and drives off, and were suppose to be happy about this? Shouldn't we be a little concerned?"

After all of the grief I have given my mother for dropping food on her shirt she took a photo to prove again how much I am turning into her every day. 

The most beautiful wedding

The wedding was absolutely elegant.  Leslie looked like a cake topper and I was in tears while I did her hair.  I just couldn't believe that she was getting married and to such a sweetheart.  They are going to have an incredible life together.

I woke up at 5:30 to get the day started.  I had to get myself ready before I could make it to Shepardsville by 7:30 to do 7 heads of hair.  After that I needed to get to my house do 2 more updos on my little ones before I scooped them up in the car and headed to the church by 2 for pics.  It was a whirlwind!  Here are some pics....

Leslie and I waiting to get the show on the road.

checking out the view of her awesome self.  :)  She looked so pretty!

Addison listening to instructions before we left for the church.

The whole bridal party!  Such a fun group of girls!

Addison being so very lady like during the reception.

I entertained the flower girls while we waited for the wedding to start.  Nothing like a little storytime to keep the kids still.

Jam packed weekend!

What an amazingly beautiful and jam packed weekend we had.  James was unable to make it home this weekend and Mom was there to lend a hand.  God knows I needed it!  Friday was Leslie's wedding rehersal.  We had a blast, she looked amazing and I fell in love with Z oyster bar.  I could write a whole post about their scallops the size of your head.  I now need to take a moment of silence to think about them again.........Man they were amazing!!!

So ready for the wedding.  I am so excited for them.  What amazing couple they will be.

Careful what you pray for

I asked the girl in my group last week to pray for a desire for me to quit smoking.  I did well for about 3-4 months than fell off the wagon.  I told them I have no desire to quit but really want to for good.  No more back and forth.

Yesterday I had this nagging thought.  Why not make today the day.  In one year you can celebrate being 35 and one year smoke free.  I kept pushing the thought away and continued on with my day.

I smoked a cigarette while chatting with James before picking Victoria up from the bus stop.  I butted my cigarette out in the planter hanging on the porch, grabbed A&A and drove up to Grant Line to wait on the bus.  I was there about 10 minutes before the bus cam with Victoria came bouncing out and told me that she was didn't get her name moved again today.  (This is a 4 day run for Victoria not getting in trouble at school and getting her name moved to a different color.)  We chatted a bit about it and then headed back home.  I pulled into my driveway to a cloud of smoke and horrible smell.  My cigarette I "put out" wasn't out and the side of my porch was in flames.  I panicked and grabbed my coke out of the cup holder and poured it over the flames.  It didn't do much so I ran in the house and flung open the cupboards to find my popcorn buckets staring at me.  I filled two and ran back outside before I had my "Duh" moment and ran down the side of the house to get the garden hose.  It took a second to get it completely out.  In the meantime my heart is racing, Anthony has rolled down the window and thrown Addison's blanket out of the car causing her to scream bloodymurder, and is now yelling "Mommy the porch is broke!"  I cooled the planter off enough to remove it from the railing to find that about a 1 and a half 2 foot hole burned completely through the lattice work.  It took about 15 minutes for my adrenaline to level off and I broke down and cried on the swing.  Thank God we are all ok! Thank God I didn't have anywhere to go after I picked up Victoria!  Thank God the bus was on time!  Thank God I still have a home to shelter me!  Thank God for answering a prayer while protecting me and my family!  When you get a prompting from the Holy Spirit you better listen up!  God can and will use mighty ways to get your attention if he needs to.

34!

What beautiful weather to celebrate another year!  Crissy, Mom and I headed up to Hubers with the kids and took in the sights.  I told my mom to call my sister to ask her if she would like to join us.  She told me she would but she was driving the bus for a field trip.  Guess where the field trip was to.....Hubers!  How is that for fate.  So good to see her.  She brought a bag of pretzel M&Ms and a card that made me get teary eyed.  Love ya sis!  Addison my fearless child walked around the store just taking it all in.  Anthony my strong as an ox and scared as the cowardly lion spent the first hour clinging to anyone that would hold him because of Halloween decorations.  It started off with the 20 foot tall jack-o-lantern and escalated to the robotic mummy in the gift shop. Crissy had shift one till her back started hurting and then I took a shift trying to get him in a cart to sit.  When he saw Punkin he wanted her to take a shift too.  We will all have sore backs in the morning.  When we got home tonight he had to tell me that the Big pumpkin scared him because his eyes were following him.  The eyes didn't move.  It was a big balloon but to him that thing was sitting on the top of the hill so that he could watch his every move.  I will try to get a video of him talking about the eye movement of the pumpkin and post it on here.  For some reason our photo loading program is messed up and I haven't been able to load any.

We left to pick up Victoria off of the bus (side note Victoria has made it 3 days without getting in trouble at school.  Hooray!) and then headed to Applebees for dinner.  Great food!  Addison made me chuckle in the bathroom.  I was standing there in the stall waiting for her to "finish" and she looked up at me and said....
"Mommy, Is your burday today. It not my burday.  My burday is gone......I lost it."  in her matter of fact tone with her little nose wrinkled and lip turned up.  I guess tomorrow I will lose mine.  :)

Where the past month and a half of my life has gone.

Victoria turned 7 on Saturday.  I have worked my tail off on redoing her bedroom. I found the comforter and with the help of my awesome brother in law Victoria had a new twin bed on the way.  I worked away from the start of school to the bus dropping her off on the details.  I have to admit I have had a ball but dragging all of the stuff out and then packing it away again along with the hiding of things until the big reveal was a pain.  Here are a few pics to show you the transformation. 

Before...........

During.... Couldn't have made this happen without Crissy.  She is such a trooper!  She was at my house at 8am right after the bus left and didn't leave till 8:30 that night.  She didn't even complain when we ran out of paint for the accent wall and my trip to walmart resulted in the wrong color.  Now that is a friend.  :)  We ended up painting one wall 3 times due to this mistake.

After.....(as Addison says "PA-DA!")

Love this bedding.  It was ordered from Target.com.  Sheets were Walmart clearance for $5 and the floor lamp in the background was $6!

Hand painted this sign for bed.  Another dollar tree steal!  Beading by my buddy Crissy as I was sewing away on other projects.

Handmade pillow I assembled from scrap material from Large Group projects at Church.  Got to love donated things that match a project your working on. 

 

This dresser has been in our family forEVER!  Mom found this at a yard sale I believe and we have had it in every room of mom and dad's house and mine.  I painted the drawer fronts to match the bedding.  It added a nice touch.  Notice the matching rug at the foot of the bed?  This is actually a bath rug from Walmart's back to school collection.  I got a two rug set for $5!! Can't beat that!

Canvas that I painted to also match bedding.  This hangs above the dresser and Crissy added a really cute touch of wire threaded buttons to hang them with.  Very cute detail! Canvas was 3 for 6 at Walmart.  Woo Hoo!

This gives you a better view of the bedding and the throw blanket I added a flower to.  Again Walmart Back to School clearance throw for $5 and material for flower left over from church.

This was the only furniture that was in Victoria's room prior to the remodel.  This plastic shelf.  I purchased the canvas totes at Walmart Clearance for $3 each.  They matched the colors perfectly!!!

Victoria's new closet.  I knew she wouldn't have much room to move around with the new bed in the small room so I removed her closet door and added this curtain purchased by Mamaw and Papaw at Walmart.  It came with two panels and I cut the tabs off of the top and added a spring rod.  The length was perfect and this project took about 5 minutes to finish.  Had to add a little feather boa touch for the top.

I am going to have to take another pic of this but the pink curtains were made by my mom a few years ago.  I kept them and cut apart the remaining panel from the closet and made a valance from it along with tie backs.  Crissy was excited because she got to sew a bit on the tie backs.  She wanted to learn..

Some of the hand painted frames that I put together for her. These were purchased at Dollar Tree and a few coats of paint and they were ready to go!

The room turned out better than I thought that I expected.  I was thrilled and so was Victoria.  Glad that the project is almost over.  Still waiting on James to put up the white shelves over her bed.  I have a few plans for them as well.  Someone please remove the glue gun from my hand!  I'm out of control!!

Labor breathing Labor Day.

I am reminded again how incredibly blessed I am to have a man like James in my life.  He has been suffering with the respiratory crap that we have all been passing around.  He was coughing so hard this week that he had pulled something in his side and his stomach was bulging out on the side and hard as a rock.  He was coughing from his pinkie toes.  This morning we were laying in bed and he was flat on his back when a coughing fit hit him.  The first cough did him in and he let out a screaming and fell apart in the bed for about 5-10 minutes before he was able to speak.  He told me that he felt and heard something crack.  He said he believes he broke a rib.  He was unable to sit up and just laid in bed sobbing and screaming.  I was terrified and didn't know what to do.  After some gentle yet aggressive suggestions to go to the doc he decided to go.  I dropped off the kids and took him to Immediate Care.  They took an x-ray of his lungs and looked for pneumonia.  Doc was more concerned for the long lasting cough and lack of oxygen than the possible broken rib.  They decided to give him a steroid shot to give him a boost and had us stay for 15 minutes.  Boy am I glad that they did.  He started to have a reaction to it and within 5 minutes was howling and wouldn't respond to me.  The color drained out of his face and his eyes were floating. I grabbed the nurses and they brought him a cold wash cloth and took his vitals.  Shortly after his blood pressure came back up and his face began to regain color.  They said that wasn't uncommon with that steroid.  They said that they have a joke they say of the bigger they are the harder they fall.  Big guys with tattoos (i.e. James) turn to mush with that drug.  The nurses came back to check his oxygen.  It was below 90 and they wanted it up before they cut him loose.  James was able to take a deeper breath with the thought of a hospital and endure the pain a bit.  We picked up his medications one steroid, one Z pac, one pain killer, and one cough suppressant and we were off to pick up the kids.  James went through all of that and still has to go to work tonight.  He was under a load heading to North Carolina and then another to Wichita that he couldn't back out of.  So we sent him off to work tonight with worry and prayers.  Such a hard working man that man of mine.  I don't know if I could be that strong to hop in a truck and drive all night in pain.  Safe travels to you honey.  We love you and miss you already.