After alot of thought we decided tonight would work to let Victoria see her mother. She got out of jail the day before Christmas eve and with the holidays being so hectic and being piled up with work dealing with the truck we didn't get around to it till now. We were told that she would be getting out Christmas eve but that other counties might need her to do time also, so we held off telling Victoria till we knew something solid. We didn't want her to get excited only to be disappointed when it didn't happen. Victoria spoke with her on the phone a couple of times and that seemed to go well. We headed over to McDonalds to get a bite to eat and also to meet her. We wanted someplace neutral for all of us. We had explained to Victoria that she would be alone with Tina for a while and that we were all going to "hang out" together for a long time before she was able to be alone with her or spend the night at her Dad's, where she is living. I was a nervous wreck to be honest. I distraught wondering if I had done enough to prepare her for her mom being back in her life. I stood in the nursery tearing up telling James all of my concerns and I started to laugh a little bit. I have been trying for a two years to be her mom and worried to death that I didn't love her the same way that I do my biological children, now here I stand acting like I am getting ready to send her off to college when I am going to let her see her biological mother for an hour (while I am there sitting next to her none the less).
Tina arrived and Victoria looked straight at her sitting behind her and not recognizing her, turned back around and kept on eating. Tina has lost alot of weight it wasn't easy to recognize her myself. Victoria said a hello but didn't run up and hug her or go crazy in any way. It was just kind of a "Hey" moment when she saw her the first time. She was more interested in seeing her sister Megan who is 17. We have seen Megan a couple of time while Tina was locked up, and Victoria just loves her to death. Megan basically raised Victoria before we got her. Tina pulled Victoria into her lap sitting at the chair next to me. It was so sweet Victoria leaned over after hugging Tina to grab my face from her lap and gave me a kiss and a hug and called me "Mommy". I felt like it was a God given moment just for me. She just looked at me with her big brown eyes and in her own way gave me the "I am OK" look, she even made a point to call me Mom.
Victoria spent 90% of her time at McDonalds hanging out with Megan in the playplace. Tina didn't offer to go in there with them. She just sat at the table with us talking serving her time. James went into the playland to tell Victoria to come out and spend time with Tina. The visitation turned out to be more of a Victoria and Megan thing. Victoria gave Megan about 50 hugs out the door as we were leaving.
I am glad that the first visitation is over. I have been dreading it. One thing it did for me was help me realize that the bond between Victoria and I is solid. In our hearts I am her mother and she is my daughter.
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